Material girl.

Last night I dream I was aboard a sinking ship. I woke this morning with the sunlight streaming through my windows feeling dazed, confused and exhausted. Being a superstitious girl, I had a wee look on google to see what this meant. According to the geniuses on one particular website, I’m being dragged down by someone or something (certainly true) and feeling suffocated. It also suggests the end of a particular era, which is also true.

I spent a significant amount of this morning thinking about this and the reasons why I feel suffocated and anxious. Many reasons relate to feelings of inadequacy and of getting older without achieving all that I wanted to. Thinking and over thinking becomes exhausting and one can theorize and analyze until the proverbial cows come home without reaching any kind of mental consensus.

I’ve been fortunate to be living with a very inspiring woman. I don’t really believe in all that kindred spirit crap, but this woman and I have very similar views on what we would like our lives to be. She made me realize many things about myself and helped me in the same way burlesque helped me like the way I look. Most importantly, that I’m actually still young and have achieved a respectable amount so far. Before, I was incredibly anxious every time I thought about turning 25 but I’m beginning to realize that I’m young and there’s no need to worry.

24 has been a bit of a mixed year, with soaring highs and crippling lows. From difficult endings and loss during the dark Winter, to hope during Spring and some pretty good things happening during Summer. I’ve learnt a lot and met some pretty great people and am actually looking forward to turning 25 with confidence while I am (hopefully) in Nepal during November.
As it’s a particularly slow day at work, I decided to create a purely fictional, shamelessly shallow wish list of things I would love for my birthday:

A digital piano.

Blonde hair.

A weekend in Paris.

A sewing machine.

Book vouchers.

A maine coon kitty.

A job (preferably with the Guardian, The Hindu or the Indian Express or freelance consulting, editing and writing).

A new bag! (From Matt&Nat)

For my laptop to work... (new keyboard matrix, please).

Make-up (Urban Decay- vegan friendly).

A spa-trip.

Loads of money.

And... Raza Jaffery.

'Mistresses' on DVD

Unlikely, but a girl can dream : )